Day 29: My History of Learning: 7 Pivotal Moments #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Prompt: Your History of Learning - What has been your greatest learning experiences?

In the first year of graduate school everyone has to take a methods class- a lot of the content is history of education and the building of a personal philosophy on teaching and learning.  One of the projects we had to do was to identify the major leaning experiences of our life to that point and present it in a creative way.  

I brainstormed a long list of learning moments- some  more cynical than others.  I remember reading the list to my husband, who was then my boyfriend of only 6 months, and he commenting on the TONE of the list.  I weeded down to a robust 12 or so.  I cut out circles of colored card stock and wrote each moment on a circle and included the age that the learning moment tool place.  I then I put them together in to the shape of a caterpillar, not unlike this one: 

I remember feeling like I had all these great experiences but I was just at the beginning, as a career changer.  I was not a butterfly yet. 

I don't know that I see myself as a butterfly yet.

I do know that I have reflected on my journey, a lot. Here are 7 pivotal learning events:

1. JoAnne Jugum.  She was my 3rd grade teacher.  This was the year I learned to write cursive. Cursive provided me freedom to explore and escape, encouraged to write letters and stories. This is also the year that I was granted refuge from the storm of growing up.  I was painfully aware that I was not fitting in with the kids I had gone to school with for the previous 3 years.  She let me spend recess in her room, so I could read and hide.  It was safety when I needed it. 
2. Barely passing math in 8th grade.  This was the first time I felt like a true failure.  I has been told for years that I was better, smarter than the kids in the "regular" classes.  I was condemned and had to repeat math in 9th grade.  I thought I was being relegated to the class with the stupid kids, the slow kids, the kids who were less because they were exactly where they were supposed to be, working at grade level. What did this really mean? It means I hadn't been ready for 9th grade math in 8th grade.  It meant that I started 9th grade with my peers as equals.  It forced me to rethink and reformulate many of ideas I had about being a student, learning and my own experiences.  
3. Not being able to afford to go away for college after graduation from high school.  I applied to visited and got into a private college in Minnesota. I could not afford to go there and I didn't get into the state school I applied to.  I was relegated to community college, which I hated, a lot.  It's not for everyone.  That's ok.  I dropped out after 1 quarter.  I had amazing grades and because I had some college, when I reapplied to the state school I wanted to go to I applied as a transfer student and got in with my 3.9 GPA and amazing essay.
4. Starting college at 20 and a half and not 18.  No dorms.  Living off campus.  Being "non-traditional". Having had to work harder to get there...I soaked up every moment.
5. College, both undergrad and grad school.  I learned to take risks, collaborate, inquire, research, write, read and to be truly curious and creative.  My best friends in life are from college, as I am sure if true for many of us. Three universities, 7 years, countless classes and so much joy.  
6. Moving to NYC.  I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary in NYC.  I didn't move here for college.  I took a risk, mailed 13 small boxes to my new apartment and bought a plane ticket.  I achieved my professional goals from the first part of my life.  I was so poor I couldn't afford to turn my heat on that first year, nor could I afford to go home for the holidays and had my first Christmas away from my parents.  I met my husband, I went to grad school, I became a teacher.  I grew into myself.
7. Teaching and Learning in the NYC DOE. 1.1 million students.  1700 schools. 75K+ teachers.  The numbers are staggering.  Being a teacher here means many things. The odds are against us. Many come and go but many stay, teach, learn, grow.  It's more political than I would like, but I don't show up for the politics.  I show up for the kids.  I show up for Cory so he and I can sit on the couch in my classroom at lunch and laugh about silly things.  I show up so I can have an impromptu conversation with my 11th graders about what life would have been like if they stopped working for the grade on the paper because there were no grades. I show up so I can stop Joaquin, a sophomore, in the hallway and tell him that I want him to sit in on an AP class later in May so he can see what it is like and how working hard pays off.  I show up so I can celebrate Ashley, one of my advisees tomorrow because I was told by her geometry teacher that she is doing exceptionally well and potentially could have an 85-90 by the end of the year. I show up because there are little moments and big wins that teach me about the human experience.

All these moments have influenced and challenged my perception of my world. If you ask me this question in 10 more years I am sure I will give you a new list of moments that I remember, but experience changes perception.  I will keep seeking out new experience, new challenge, new learning in order to grow.

Day 27: Let Go In Order To Grow

Prompt: How to Build a More Powerful Classroom by Letting Go

On Friday, my most difficult class of 9th graders came into class and one young woman was all fired up.  She was going to get into it with a young man.  The tension was palpable.  As they began trading barbs, I stepped in and asked the young woman to walk down to our social work office to cool down and check in with someone there.  I knew she would be pissed at me.  I had to let that go.  Kids get over things.  What I couldn't let go was what it would mean if the two kids got into a fight in my classroom and one or both got suspended... on a Friday.  So, the student grabbed her things, and headed out ready to work independently for the period.  Class went on as planned and I had a surprise informal observation, of course!  Isn't that always the way.  Letting go...

Being a good teacher is often about picking moments to dig in and moments to step aside and let something else run a  course.  Some classes are so fantastic at things like leading conversations, accountable talk, project based learning.  Others need lots of hand holding, micro managing, sentence starters, and guided notes.  No matter what the group, I eventually need to get out of their way and let them lead, learn, grow.  It's not my job to control or manage each moment of each day.  School is organic and amazing things can happen when I get out of MY own way.

This morning, I stopped by Guidance and that very student who had to step out to avoid the fight was sitting there. I didn't know if something else had happened, but either way-she was not in class.  She was sitting with two of our Social Work interns so I pulled up a chair next to her, not before catching that daggers she shot at me with her eyes when I came in the room.  I spent a few minutes talking with her, asking questions like that would eventually lead us through a dialogue about why teachers have to make choices like the one I did on Friday in order to protect our students and that I watched the boy pushing her just to get a response because he knows she has a short fuse.  I also asked her about the work she did, questions she had and asked her to come in for tutoring tomorrow after school and that was that.

I few minutes later I got an email from one of the interns who had been sitting at the table: 

You are the only teacher that comes in and talks with students like that and it's amazing. It's so hard to tell the kids they had to leave cause the teacher cares [about them] when the teacher's not there. I greatly appreciate your being.

Over the years, I have learned to let go, to get out of the way and grow with my students with each choice we make.  I could have easily not gone to talk with the student and she would have come into my class this Thursday, still mad and not understanding my decision and seeing it as a punishment.   But I didn't and we both grow as a result.

Day 8: What was the question again? #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Prompt 8: How should we foster question asking instead of answer getting?

I struggle with this.  Not in my design of challenging and rigorous questions to provoke higher level thinking but with the engagement of students in deeper thinking an questioning of each other and of the material....

I thought about this a lot today.  Here is what I came to:  in order to ask great questions, and engage in discussion means you have to LISTEN.  What I have seen my students do is this: they sit, they not, they can't really engage in discussion because they are NOT LISTENING. 

I did an exercise one day- having set a goal that I wanted my AP students to really work on note taking skills that they will need in the college classroom- I had showed them a brief 4 minute video on feminism.  There was a lot of information and the presenter spoke quickly, rattling off facts and figures interspersed with some humor and reflection.  The first time I showed them the video none of them took notes.  They watched passively, enjoying the video and laughing from time to time.  The following class I asked, "How many of you think you could pass a quiz about the video you watched on Monday?" A few, maybe 5 raised their hands.  "How many people took notes during the video?" Two kid's hands went up.  I knew I had missed the boat on this one.  It was a skill I should have been building in from day one.  Not just taking notes from lecture but from reading, class discussions, videos, reading homework!  These are the skills they are going to need to be successful in college.  Copious notes to digest, process, reflect, ask questions, thinking critically.

It's not a natural skill- it is something to be cultivated over time.  Accountable talk is great (and the prompts that we get students to use) but I need to do more to help kids develop the ability to listen, really HEAR and critically engage.