16. Appreciation and Expectations- My Journey Through Heartbreak #Edblogaday

A friend of mine posted the above image on Facebook last week and I set it aside, knowing that it would become a blog post.  I suppose it would have made a great Teacher Appreciation Week post, but after participating in the #NYEdChat last night on Twitter, it is clear to me, now more than ever, that teachers thrive in positivity.  This does not mean that we need to inflate each others egos or provide untruths.  It means that teachers should speak up and speak out about what IS working.  This is why writing about appreciation, not just for a week in May is integral to growth, development and cultivation of community.

I, like many of us, have already had many jobs in my short 38 years. I have had great employers and I have had horrible ones.  When I saw this image, the first thought into my head was, of course I do! I want to work hard when the hard work is recognized.  I have always thought of myself as someone who does work hard.  My parents let me get my first job when I was 10, as a Mother's Helper- before I was old enough to babysit.  I worked at the local Rec Center on Saturdays, earning a paycheck for score keeping through the winter basketball season.  (Though at the time it was really just a way for me to be around the older boys from the neighborhood who I thought were cute.)  I think I filed my first Federal tax return in middle school.  I understood that hard work pays off and leads to more work, more OPPORTUNITY. 

Teaching is the first field I have worked in where appreciation is much harder to come by than punitive gestures.  It leaves teachers feeling guarded and overly cautious, and as a result, not trusting themselves to do the work they know they are trained to do.  The work they know they are good at and in most cases they love.  At the end of year 4 I was crying almost every day at work. I should have found a new job.  I felt a loyalty to my students and stayed one more year, even through it was not a good decision.  I no longer had the support of my administration (and it was unclear why this has happened) and it felt like nothing I could do was good enough.  I had tenure.  I had great test scores.  I moved students forward every year.  It didn't matter.  I didn't feel appreciated.  I felt hated and as a result I didn't want to take on any more than I needed to.  I left right at the end of the school day.  My job that I had loved more than anything was breaking my heart.

The longer I am in the system, the more stories I hear like this.  It now frames my thinking about what it means to be a leader.  I am starting an admin program this fall and I have started to build many ideas about what it means to be a school leader. I have been watching our administration more closely, noting how teachers are supported, encouraged, developed and appreciated.  It's all food for thought as I grow in my career.

Most days, I do feel appreciated. Most days I know I play an important role at my school.  I don't know that every teacher at my school feels this way but I think it's possible for appreciation to be felt by all.  Not just for one week in May.

Day 16: Professional Learning Groupies #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Prompt 16: Why does a PLC or PLN matter? Are they different? What do they look like when they work? Not work? True purpose? 


I went my own way with this one.

I applied to a new program for this fall- it's school, a 2 year program in school based leadership, the nice way to say administration.  One of the questions on the application was about school based teams that I am on or could do work with next year.  Like many teachers, there are many.

• Model/Master Teacher Team
• ELA Department
• 11th Grade Team
• 9th Grade Team
• 10th Grade Advisory Team
• School Leadership Team

AND don't forget committees...sigh. Some of the groups meet more often than others, some I plan for, lead and/or facilitate.  Being in a small school means there are many "opportunities" for teachers and this school is no exception.  Of these six groups, one has really continued to my development as an educator because in many of these meetings I am the one supporting the growth of others.  

I won't lie, I crave experiences that support my development.  The most growth for me has come through 1:1 conversations or collaboration with both my Principal and AP or with my fellow Model Teacher, Becca or Master Teacher, Cameron.  The cultivation of my self-awareness, of my strengths, and areas for growth have come when I have worked in a mentoring role.  I have learned what roles I love (1:1 collaborative curriculum development) and those I love less (group lesson planning).  

I try to learn from each experience but somethings are harder than others.

My ideal Professional Learning Community would be one where all grow and thrive, it is collaborative and constructive and there is room for discussion and expansion of thinking.  I am hopping that, if accepted into the program for the fall, provides me with a cohort of colleagues who can take on that role.

Three weeks ago, when I ventured back into the twitter, I had no idea I would begin to make connections, and develop my network of colleagues and inspiration.  Like any tool, it is what you make of it.  I am excited to see how this professional learning community continues to grow and evolve.  

Day 6: Small Wins #Aprilblogaday Challenge

Prompt 6: What was your most recent "awe-inspiring" moment in the classroom? 

I am off this week. It is a much needed break.  I returned to work 11 days after having my thyroid and a baseball size tumor removed from my neck as a preemptive strike against the cancer growing in my body.  I had little voice due to damage to my right vocal chord and found myself teaching with a cordless mic. I made it through 6 hours of parent-teacher conferences at the end of that first week back.  21 days post surgery I was done with most of my teaching as we went into break.  This spring break is a relief.  My voice is tired and my body too.  

I had planned to be back sooner.  I had meticulously planned the schedule for my 9th grade theatre students for all of March, including the time I had "budgeted" to be out.  I have an alternating schedule - one week I see each block 3 times the next only 2.  The kids had been working towards oral presentations- showcasing the research they did on a chosen figure from theatre history. In the unanticipated extra week I was out, my students as a result had an extra 3 days of class time to work on their projects with the clear expectation we would hit the ground running upon my return.

This is just what happened.  Over the following 6 school days 130 9th graders all got up and one by one delivered oral presentations.  Kid after kid walked to the front of the room, stepping to the podium, and with 5 minutes on the timer- monitored by a student timekeeper- each kid did their thing!  Even the students who had incomplete work still got up in front of a room of their peers (and we know how mean 14 year olds can be!) and spoke with poise and confidence.  Of course some were better than others, but every child stood up there and spoke with confidence.  

In September I told the kids: Theatre Skills Are Life Skills.  Few believe be but as the year progresses, they begin to understand.  Last week, when a kid would step to the front, hood up, face resting on their hand as they talked, I would tell them to imagine being at a professional internship this coming summer, would you do that in front of your boss?  Use the skills I know you have to share your hard work! 

130 presentations later (about 40 of them on the same person - I won't make that mistake again!) I was impressed and proud.  I was able to sit back and watch and learn from their work.  To provide helpful and actionable feedback as they continue to work to master skills and content as they prepare for 10th grade and beyond.

My favorite moment was on the last day of presentaions.  One of my ELLs got up and presented, Google Presentation riddled with spelling errors but it was ok.  The content was there and the presentation was sound.  I was impressed.  At the end of the day at staff PD we were asked to share a "high" for the week.  I shared about the presentation of this young man and how proud I was of him.  I got an email a couple hours later from his advisor titled: "You Made His Day" with the following: 

She went on to write: Gets even better!...

[Student],"Oh wow I didn't really want to do it because I get nervous when I have to speak in front of people." These small wins are the most awe-inspiring for me as an educator.

Post 4: Moments of Humanity #AprilBlogADay Challenge

April Blog A Day Challenge

Prompt 4: A Moment of Humanity in the Classroom - think about a moment in your teaching experience where there was a "connection" between you and a student or group of students that resonated beyond content.

There have been many moments of connection over the years: hard talks, personal challenges, pregnancy, death, successes, college acceptance, reconnection with students as adults years later.  "Ms. T you are the reason I decided to become a teacher."  Yep, being a teacher is an emotional roller coaster. I think for me though, the moments that have been the most powerful and cultivated the greatest connection have been when I have taken students to see performing arts events.

When I moved to NYC 10 years ago, I had hit the motherload of theatre joy.  I landed my dream job as a theatrical milliner, making hats for Broadway shows.  I also got to work at The Metropolitan Opera. When I changed careers, I was able to find a graduate program where I could be licensed in two subjects- English and Theatre Arts.  I was so excited to be able to take kids to see performing arts performances in New York City.  What better place to be a drama teacher, right?

My favorite connections have been at these performances.  Some favorites have included: RSC's Julius Caesar and Dance Works at BAM, The Giver at NYU, King Lear at The Park Ave. Armory and most recently new works at The Vineyard Theatre, Billy and Ray and Brooklyinte.  For many of my students it is the first time they are going to the theatre.  The experience of going into a theatre, getting a program, the buzz before the lights go down.  

Then there is the experience of watching teens watch theatre.  My kids don't sleep, they engage and are engrossed.  I know this happens because I have prepared them for this moment. They laugh, they are curious they watch intently.   

I took 60 9th graders to see Billy and Ray this fall, the story of Billy Wilder and Raymond Chandler writing the film Double Indemnity.  They were captivated for 2 hours and then sat through a 30 minute talkback with the cast including  Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men fame. They asked great questions and the natural curiosity was inspiring. 

One kid found me after the show, "I could hear you laughing Miss. You have a really distinct laugh you know."In that moment I was reminded of how valuable sharing this experience with my students is.  Letting them see how much I love performing arts.  Being authentically me, even with my "distinct laugh".

With my cousin at An American In Paris on Broadway last night.