18. The Reflective Practitioner and Calculated Risks #edblogaday

At the end of each of our lesson plans and unit plans is space to reflect on how it went and attach student work (digitally).  Admittedly, I seldom take the time to reflect on the lessons this way.  It has never felt authentic but rather forced.  When I began blogging for this project at the beginning of April, it didn't feel forced.  My thinking felt authentic, honest and it was true to me.  While I know blogging is the long form of reflection, what is the happy medium between nothing and blogging that still gives me time to think about my teaching in a brief yet authentic way that really does serve a purpose?

I have found of late that my reflection has centered around many WHY questions as I work to dig through the much of my craft.  As I was walking out last night, I walked along side my Principal and I was sharing with him that a teaching colleague, who had applied to another admin training program (one I applied to but did not get into) had been accepted.  It will be an intense one year program.  I applied to another program, that is 2 years, will culminate in a second Masters, give me my 30+ credits and support my development in a cohort of 24 professionals while being supported by Hunter College and our network New Visions.  My boss told me he was glad I was taking the route I was- even though he graciously wrote me recommendations for both programs.  I am too.  I think this is a better fit for me.  As we parted last night he left me with the thought- WHY am I going though the administration program?  What do I want to do at the end of 2 next two years? 

I relayed this story to my husband when I got home.  He told me that he thought the push from my principal was the right step.  He is challenging me to really begin thinking about the WHY and what this next step may mean for me.  At this point what I know is that I have begin to develop some very clear thinking about what it means to be a part of a school community and in order to really understand the HOW of educational systems, I need more training.  I need to go back to school.  

I worry that I am too emotional, too sensitive and that I could never be as removed as it seems principals feel they need to be in order to be truly effective school leaders.  This part I don't understand and I believe I need to go through this process to learn what being a school leader means to me and should look like.  What if I go though this process and decide that being a school leader is not what I want?  I think this is an ok risk.  I know it will push me to be more reflective, to be more critical of my own practice and as a result hopefully it will make me a better educator and leader.

17. Laughter and Electricity: The Solution to Exhaustion #edblogaday

Today was  along day.  An epic day at the end of an epic week.  I am tired.  I can feel myself starting to hit the wall of the school year.  I know that it has been a Herculean feat just for me to get through this year.  It's ok that I am exhausted.  Last night I got to go see Fiasco Theatre Company's production of Shakespeare's Two Gentlemen of Verona.  I got all dressed up and my wonderful friend Primo came with me.  We laughed and schmmozed and drank wine.  It felt good to laugh and relax and escape into the theatre for a few hours.

If you are in NYC you can see this show through June 20th!

Today was long.  Up at 5.  Out the door by 6:30.  Heavy teaching day, lots of student conferences, quick coffee after school, back for meeting at 3:45 to prep for interview session from 4-6, run interviews for group of 17, chat with applicants after, debrief with Admin, pack up, answer phone messages, out the door by 7:15, on the rain by 7:30, home by 815.  

I don't have much left.  I do have an inbox of 32 speeches students wrote- first drafts of their Raising A Ruckus Project (modeled on Ted Talks), the culminating project for AP Lang.  I am excited and they are doing amazing writing and a lot of it.  This project feels electric and I know I have hit something big.  You know the feeling.  This is the feeling I will just to ride out the rest of the school year.  Laughter and electricity. 

16. Appreciation and Expectations- My Journey Through Heartbreak #Edblogaday

A friend of mine posted the above image on Facebook last week and I set it aside, knowing that it would become a blog post.  I suppose it would have made a great Teacher Appreciation Week post, but after participating in the #NYEdChat last night on Twitter, it is clear to me, now more than ever, that teachers thrive in positivity.  This does not mean that we need to inflate each others egos or provide untruths.  It means that teachers should speak up and speak out about what IS working.  This is why writing about appreciation, not just for a week in May is integral to growth, development and cultivation of community.

I, like many of us, have already had many jobs in my short 38 years. I have had great employers and I have had horrible ones.  When I saw this image, the first thought into my head was, of course I do! I want to work hard when the hard work is recognized.  I have always thought of myself as someone who does work hard.  My parents let me get my first job when I was 10, as a Mother's Helper- before I was old enough to babysit.  I worked at the local Rec Center on Saturdays, earning a paycheck for score keeping through the winter basketball season.  (Though at the time it was really just a way for me to be around the older boys from the neighborhood who I thought were cute.)  I think I filed my first Federal tax return in middle school.  I understood that hard work pays off and leads to more work, more OPPORTUNITY. 

Teaching is the first field I have worked in where appreciation is much harder to come by than punitive gestures.  It leaves teachers feeling guarded and overly cautious, and as a result, not trusting themselves to do the work they know they are trained to do.  The work they know they are good at and in most cases they love.  At the end of year 4 I was crying almost every day at work. I should have found a new job.  I felt a loyalty to my students and stayed one more year, even through it was not a good decision.  I no longer had the support of my administration (and it was unclear why this has happened) and it felt like nothing I could do was good enough.  I had tenure.  I had great test scores.  I moved students forward every year.  It didn't matter.  I didn't feel appreciated.  I felt hated and as a result I didn't want to take on any more than I needed to.  I left right at the end of the school day.  My job that I had loved more than anything was breaking my heart.

The longer I am in the system, the more stories I hear like this.  It now frames my thinking about what it means to be a leader.  I am starting an admin program this fall and I have started to build many ideas about what it means to be a school leader. I have been watching our administration more closely, noting how teachers are supported, encouraged, developed and appreciated.  It's all food for thought as I grow in my career.

Most days, I do feel appreciated. Most days I know I play an important role at my school.  I don't know that every teacher at my school feels this way but I think it's possible for appreciation to be felt by all.  Not just for one week in May.

15. Supporting Parents- The Conversations To Be Had #Edblogaday

I have never felt like this was something I was especially good at. I am not that great advisor that is in constant contact with my students. I also have a number of parents, who after two years have still never met and to my best knowledge have not ever come into school.

I have three families who I text, call, email pretty consistently, there are a couple more who are in between lots of communication and none at all. When there is none, it's because I never get a response and their kid is not failing, so I have let it slide. There are bigger advisory fish to fry.

The Chancellor built in, with our new contract, time for parent outreach. It's the time for midday phone calls that often are bad news. It sucks and doesn't really feel constructive. I often wonder what it's like for K-8 teachers who have 32 families they have to keep abreast of everything and not just 10 to 15.   While I think parent outreach is a great idea, the current structures don't work that well.

I also think a lot about better ways to communicate. I was reading through the informal parent survey from the last PTA meeting and while most of the feedback is positive, frustrations do center around communication. In the digital age people have come to expect instant information and access and in many ways parents and students do with things like online grade books, parents and students can track their progress.  If teacher doesn't grade fast enough, parents are frustrated.  My school sends home weekly progress reports on top of parents and students having access to the same information- putting even more weight on traditional grades and I worry that the weekly reminders about failure don't inspire change but just degrade and oppress students who in many cases are already struggling.

How do we shift the conversations that we are having with parents?  Especially around things like grades and learning?

I have watched kids fall apart this year because of the pressure from home around grades.  I am not a parent and I make no attempt to pretend that I am or that I understand what a parent deals with.  I am a teacher though and I see the correlation of messaging from home coupled with messaging from schools and the impact it has on students.  I know some of this is huge and systemic, but this is where my brain is right now.

14. The Hiring Season: Department Accountability #Edblogaday

I love this time of year.  I love it because it warms up, people smile at each other more, and I can wear sandals.  This is also the time of year that I start thinking towards next year.  I don't know if all teachers do this but it seems to be my pattern. I start reflecting on all the things that I want to do differently, tweak and retool for next year.

Now, I have to be 100% honest here.  I have NEVER taught the same curriculum two years in a row.  My first 5 years of teaching I was in an alternative HS with 12 week trimesters so over 5 years I wrote roughly 30 different courses. It was quick and dirty planning and the style I developed meant that on paper I didn't necessarily write down every step I was going to make through the lesson.  I also didn't need to. My years of theatre training have served me well as a teacher.

Last year, I co planned with three other teachers to build the new 10th grade Global Lit curriculum.  I struggled with this kind of co planning.  My process had been so organic that writing lessons that others could use and follow was challenging for me. Having to learn to put down on paper all the things I was doing, so someone else could do them was hard.  I learned a lot last year.

This year, theatre class grew from a semester to a year long course and I took on AP Language and Comp for the first time.  New curricula, again. I was also working solo and I found it difficult to not have people to really collaborate and be held accountable to.  I do like planning on my own though and I was back to working and creating in a way that I felt the most fluid and effective.

Why do I go through all this?  Well, yesterday we had interviews with two prospective teachers because it is that time of year- The Hiring Season.   We are going into our 4th year and will be fully staffed, as well as having 4 grades for the first time.  I facilitated two interviews as the majority of our department sat with me, listening and taking notes on the responses from both candidates.  As the senior teacher, it's interesting to see and watch at the group dynamics and how this powerful team is developing at our school.  The person we chose to bring in needs to compliment but at the same time be able to work independently and confidently.  It is good to hear the thinking and concerns that my colleagues have. I feel protective of them and want to see our department continue to grow.

I have been thinking a lot about what I have to offer our department.  They are strong, confident, independent, leaders in their own right, two will be mentoring new teachers in training next year in a program with the network we belong to- one, moving into his second year will just continue to get better with time and experience.  I think a lot about what we do need as a department and how we can develop.  The new person we add to this mix will have a dynamic job and a powerful group of people to work with.  I reflect on my process and my contributions and I know I have so much more work to do on myself and as a colleague, collaborator and teacher leader.  Only time will tell.  Hopefully, we choose wisely.

#13 What the Teacher's role in advocating? #Edblogaday

ad•vo•cate (ădˈvə-kātˌ)

v. To speak, plead, or argue in favor of.

n. One that argues for a cause; a supporter or defender.

n. One that pleads in another's behalf.

Advocating is an essential part of my teaching practice.  

As a newer teacher, I was in a high need school and my students needed a LOT- academically and social/emotionally.   I gave everything I had to them with out hesitation, because I saw that as my job and responsibility as a teacher.  I also had the energy to give to them that way.  There were years when I had kids who needed much stronger voices in their corners to help them achieve their goals and move forward.  There were other years when I had students who were very self-sufficient or had parents who were very present and took on that role.  

As I gained more experience, it became clear that I needed to shift my advocacy from students to colleagues, as new teachers entered the system and I was taking on school leadership roles and working as a mentor.  We had tricky dynamics in a small, new school and it often felt like an us vs. them relationship between teachers and administration, even though we were a small school.  It was complicated and moving between two worlds was challenging.

It continues to be challenging but I still think it is important to speak up for teachers.  I am in another new school- coming to the end of its third year- and we have a very young teaching staff.  We also got a new contract last year and these two things coupled together and being a new school sometimes feel like a perfect storm for teachers to be taken advantage of.  There have been moments this year when I did need to speak up for the staff as a whole making sure that things shift to protect teaches.  They do.  That is why I don't worry as much at this school as I did at my last.

We have also culled together a small army of Special Education teachers who are doing an amazing job of advocating for all our students whit IEP's, but it becomes about the kids who have slipped through, who don't have the provisions already in place, that need advocates.  I find myself fighting for these kids now and hoping that they can learn to advocate for themselves before they graduate and go onto college and/or career.

Today, then, my job is to model advocacy for students and teachers so both groups learn to speak up and speak out for what they believe, want and are passionate about and hope that they also learn to become advocates for others, an essential component of the human experience.

To My Students On The Eve of Your AP Language and Composition Exam #Edblogaday

Dearest AP LANG, 

On the eve of your exam, a first AP exam for a number of you, I know that there are nerves, last minute ruminating, and wondering what tomorrow will bring.  For me too.  

Please know this:  I am beyond proud of the work you have done this year.  You have grown and challenged yourself, your peers and me as you have become stronger students, critical thinkers, and braver young adult.  You are all able to step into uncertainty with the certainty that you have the tools in your toolboxes to conquer any challenge that is before you.

Amy Tan wrote, "Words to me were magic. You could say a word and it could conjure up all kinds of images or feelings or a chilly sensation or whatever. It was amazing to me that words had this power." Tomorrow, your words will be your power, use them to show the strength of your mind and determination of your soul. 

Get some rest, eat a smart breakfast and I will see you in the morning.

Best,

Ms. Towne

#12 Three Important Things To Make The End of The Year Manageable (with musical accompaniment)! #Edblogaday

I had a hard day today.  It was capped off with my 9th graders electing to just toss their laptops into the cart in a pile rather than storing and plugging them in as we have been doing since SEPTEMBER.  It made me so angry and disappointed on so many levels.  I kept the kids, telling them that they would all be losing their laptop privileges for the remainder of the year.  However if the responsible parties came forward and took responsibility for the lapse in judgment, I would reevaluate.  And at that, I let them go.

Two young men came up to me right after class and took responsibility explaining what they did and where the error in judgment had come into play.  I thanked them for their honesty, expressed my disappointment and that I would need to think about the consequence for the choice- which ultimately will be that they will manage and monitor the laptops for the remainder of the year, a good job for both boys.

Moments like these are good reminders for teachers, that the year is coming to an end, kids and teachers alike are tired and mistakes will be made, on both parts.  I offer three things to help us all get through the remainder of the school year.

1.  Try a little tenderness.  Take a moment, breathe through those tough times that push you to your limit and step back.  99% of the time, it is just a misstep, not a deliberate choice.  Be tender, with yourself, with your kids, with your colleagues.  You will be all the better for it.

2. Find moments to celebrate.  I don't know if you are like me, but I have been with ALL my classes ALL year long.  No mid semester change.  We are ALL tired of each other.  Bring in treats, put some music on and have a mid class dance break, give kids awards for non academic endeavors.  Anything that brings smiles to your faces.  Celebrate with your colleagues too.  I know we just closed out teacher appreciation week- but if you are anything like I am, celebrations, especially in the next month will be life savers!

3. RELEASE & LET GO.  At some point you have to surrender and ride the wave.  Don't fight it.  Especially if your year culminates in two weeks of testing as it does for all NY high school students.  It's a tremendous amount of pressure for students and teachers.  Elaborate tutoring schedules are created, teachers give up afternoons and Saturdays to spend that extra time to help our highest need kids have a better shot at doing well.  I don't know if you are like me, but I want kids to do well, so much so that I get stressed out about it.  It think some of this is carry over from years in alternative schools where passing these exams was a HUGE deal, not just a hurdle to get over.  At some point, you have to let go.  You have done all that you can and it is time to let our kids rise to the occasion and do what they ARE prepared for.  In most cases it is success.  If it isn't, well cross that bridge when you come to it.

#11- The Stress of the Test #Edblogaday

Last week I wrote about my nerves around the administration of the AP Language and Comp exam- which is tomorrow-and everything I was feeling and thinking about.

Yesterday, I had my last class with my kids before they take this monumental exam tomorrow.  Two of my colleagues graciously gave up their class period with the kids so I could have a double period with them- this included 2.5 hours of debriefing the practice exam they took on Saturday, examine anchor papers and rubrics, self assessing their own work, reminders about pacing, prioritizing and remaining focused.  My kids were great (for the most part) and the students who have worked hard continued to work hard through those last 2.5 hours.

I had three kids come to see me after school yesterday, to do additional troubleshooting.  I knew they have all be struggling, Type A kids who want to do everything perfect the first time.  I can relate, it's hard to let go and just let things settle.  We tend to want to amp kids up, but I think the amping leads to a crash.

So for my kids, I told them the following things:

• Sleep the night before, no cramming.
• Eat breakfast- protein not sugar.
• NO ENERGY DRINKS BEFORE THE TEST.
• Mint stimulates the brain, bring mints to help keep you focused.
• You know what to do, now do it.

Only time will tell (Come on July!) but most have worked hard and I have great hope for positive results.  I am not sure what the passing rates are like for first year AP teachers...but hope for the best, right?

Day 10: Why Do I Love My Mama? Because She Helped Me Kick Cancer's Butt!

Last Christmas was the first time I had been in my hometown for the holidays since I moved to NYC 10 years years ago.  My husband and I flew for a week of celebration and family. My mama and I got to have some great time together that week.  I didn't know I had cancer and the most exciting thing coming up was hoping the Seahawks would make a return trip to the now ill-fated Superbowl.  This picture was taken on an early morning outing to Starbucks before some post holiday shopping at Fred Meyer.

One of the hardest phone calls I ever made was the call to my parents to tell them that the biopsy had come back positive and that I had thyroid cancer.  This was one of those moments where you don't want to live 3000 miles from your mom, but instead across the street so you can cry in your parents arms.  My mom didn't miss a beat though and by weeks end had figured out how to take the time off so she could fly to NYC to be with me and my husband to support, help, be mom and mother-in-law and anything else that might crop up.

  This was the morning of my surgery, a total thyroidectomy and
the removal of a fist size tumor in my neck.

 Thumbs up has been the mantra through out this process.  Especially through social media. Quick check ins to let friends and family know that things were okay.  

That first week was hard, emotional, and included an unanticipated trip to the ER two days post op because calcium and magnesium dropped dangerously low.  My mom was there with me for the 12+ hours and held me when I lost my composure and cried and cried.  My mom was there to just be Mom and she was the best medicine.  

My mom shouldered so much that week.  I had the honor of hearing the last conversation she would have with one of her oldest friends before she lost her battle with cancer.  It was sad and beautiful and made me more thankful than ever that my cancer was the kind that could be cut out and discarded.  I had worried that I was keeping her from something but ultimately, I knew my mom was exactly where she wanted and needed to be.

Love you Mama, today, tomorrow and every day.  

Day 9: Nerves #Edblogaday

This next week has been almost a year in the making.

This year I took on the challenge of teaching AP Language and Composition.  I had never taught it before and honestly, never really thought I would have the opportunity to.  I had always taught students who really struggled and the rigor and speed with which AP has to be paced (especially that NYC schools not start until September, in some cases a month later than schools in other parts of the country) and while I believe I could have moved students forward and they would have been better prepared for college, I don't believe many of them would have been able to pass the AP Exam.

It's difficult, I'll be the first to say it, and rightly so.  It should be.

When I sat down with my Principal this past fall and we discussed the goals I had for my students this year I settled on this:  While passing the AP exam would be fantastic, if I move my students forward- help them improve their writing, their analysis and critical thinking skills, their knowledge of rhetoric and why, when and how it is used, and take away some of the fear they may have about transitioning to college and being able to do it- then I have been successful.  I do believe that many of my kids will get a 3+ on the exam.  There will, undoubtably be some that don't.

I am trying to release my anxiety and any disappointment that is lurking in shadows.  It exists though, coupled with all the missteps I made this year, my first year as AP teacher.  There are a plethora of things I will to next year in my class as well as further developing the vertical alignment of the ELA courses at our school.  Realizing skills that they were never taught and determining why they need to know then and where they should be introduced, and recursively retaught with increased rigor as students grow.  This is part of my job as educator to get better, stronger, smarter when it comes to what and how I teach.  I owe it to the legacy of this first AP class and any that I teach in the years to come

I was up at 5:15 this morning.  Today my kids are taking a full length practice exam.  I wanted to do it a couple weeks ago but competition with other AP exams that were last week took precedence.  I am expecting 29 of 32 and will be providing extended time for my two students with IEPs.  I came up with a pretty good method (not great) for self assessing - so I will run the MC through Scantron and Monday, I will have a double period to debrief- self assessing and completing the ridiculously complicated formula to calculate a score, a predictive for students going into their exam on Wednesday.

I am sure I am not as nervous as they are, but I won't lie- I am nervous...

Day 8: Why Celebrate Teachers? Because They Are Essential To The Human Experience #Edblogaday

A Tale of Three Students

This morning, a teacher from our math team came into the staff room because one of our freshman was having a meltdown in her class.  I have cultivated a strong relationship with this student this year.  He is an emotional, passionate, and his peers know this and target him more than necessary.  Being part of the leadership team I wear many hats and today was no exception. I went up to the math class and asked him to step into the hall way with me.  His tears exploded into sobs but we quickly maneuvered through deep feeling and frustrations he was grappling with this morning and he was back in class a few minutes later.

Briana, one of my 11th graders, came in today and gave me a wonderful handmade card, thanking me for teaching her, for helping her develop as a writer, successfully preparing her to pass the Common Core English Regents Exam- which she did so with flying colors.  I have watched her confidence in her ability to succeed academically soar this year in AP Language and Comp.  I know she will be able to walk into her first college class in the fall of 2016 and continue to flourish.  

Last night I got an email from another student asking about how I had made the decision to study theatre - and what might have been more stable or lucrative. I just finished a long email back to her, explaining that ultimately, you have to decide what is important to you.  Being POOR sucks, but I was happy and I loved working processionally in the arts.   My battle with cancer this year has just reinforced that life is precious and we should do what we love and that feeds our soul.  The careers she is considering are both realistic and she would be financially stable- it more about figuring out what she loves.  It's these moments that make me so thankful that I am a teacher.  That I can participate in conversations like these with my students and have an impact on their journey.

Why Celebrate Teachers?

We need to celebrate teachers because teaching is so much more than standing in front of a room and talking to 30 kids every day.  Teaching is about taking time to write those long emails, to do the extra tutoring, to stand in the hallway with the crying kid because they just need to tell someone what is going on.  Teaching is about setting the example, being available, and having high standards.  We need to celebrate teachers every day because teachers are HEROES.  Schools are the trenches and we are fighting for every generation of kids to become everything they are meant to become.  We need to celebrate teachers because they are essential to the human experience- public, private, charter, or homeschool.  

Day 7: Gratitude #Thankateacher #edblogaday #teacherappreciation

So many teachers, so little time.
Today I found out I was accepted into a two year leadership program that culminates in being certified to be a school administrator.  I never, and I mean that: NEVER thought I would be taking this step.  There were a plethora of factors that went into the decision to even apply. There was a moment last spring, when I was walking to the subway with my principal and he asked me if I had thought about administration.  A year ago, I was not ready.  What a difference a year makes.

I am ready and I am excited.  I am beating cancer.  I know that life is precious and I have to move forward, take risks and evolve.  I would not have made this choice if I did not have strong school leadership who I know will mentor and support me through this process.  So today, I choose to thank my administrators who have been my champions this year, have had hard conversations, have been transparent and answered so many of my big and small questions.

It's a good time to work at my school and I am lucky to be there.


Oh and: Thank you to...

• Katie O. for writing so many letter back and fourth with me over the years.
• Ms. Val Zwol for letting me self-select the books I wanted to read in 10th grade English.
• Ms. McCellen for finding ways for me to demonstrate my understanding that were outside of the prescribed ways.
• Mr. Ito for making space for me to shine in middle school.
• The staff at my local Parks and Rec Center who helped to teach me the value of work and earning money.
• All the families I baby sat for growing up who trusted me to care for their children and as a result, I developed a plethora of life skills that have served me well.
• Ms. Brown and Ms. Mac for being amazing co-teachers.  I got better at what I do through working with you both.
• Gregory, Rachel, Rick, Louise and Jill for spending countless hours in costume shops teaching me and supporting my evolution as theatre artist.
• Lynne Mackey for teaching me, even though I was too slow to be lucrative.  
• Marjory for your mentoring and friendship in the trenches. You have been a gift to my life.
• Andy and Vicki because the most important teachers are our parents.

DAY 6: You like me? But do you like me like me or just like me? #Edblogaday (Forewarned: This one is a bit of a rant.)

At the end of my first year in NYC I was not working in my chosen first career but in a huge multinational law firm in Midtown Manhattan. I had culled together paralegal-ish skills over the years, growing up with parents who worked in firms and after high school landing a magic temp job with the Washington AGO working on the case that is now historic against Big Tobacco. I remember sitting in that little cubical in Midtown, learned how much a first year attorney makes right out of law school. It was staggeringly eye opening. Especially when I considered the work they did. No offense to lawyers, but this kind of law was not changing the world.  It was a pissing match between corporations for patent violations or copy-write infringement. I couldn't believe someone was making that much money to argue.  I had never made more than 30,000 a year working in the arts.  It was ok, but this was way before ObamaCare so things like insurance were invaluable when I had been able to work enough days in a row as a freelancer to maintain my coverage.

I will say this, the lawyers I work with and the paralegals on the team worked 60+ hours a week, not unlike we teachers.  While lawyers can take home upwards of 130K a year to start, me, with my NYU diploma in hand, started at 51K a year.  I know this is more than most of the country, but it is also one of the things that keeps me teaching here- there are very few places in the US that pay teachers as "well" as NYC DOE does.  But, in looking at the numbers, it is sad, isn't it?  Does this mean that people working in the private sector, who have the same pedigree as I do, are respected more because they make more than 2x as much to start as an educator does.  The Bar Association for each state sets, and upholds standards that lawyers have to meet, not unlike NYS Education Department.  How do teachers know if they are respected or not?  Lawyers and Doctors get respect because of the title.  Teachers, almost never.  

The summer before I started graduate school, I was at a party with theatre friends and there were a lot of new people so I was participating in the requisite small talk.  I was engaged in conversation with an actor who asked me what I did, and I said, "I'm a teacher." BLANK STARE. BLINK. BLINK. The guy turned and walked away from me.  Before changing careers, when I would tell people what I did, "I'm a milliner." I would get Oooohs, and Ahhhas.  It was cool, unique and people wanted to hear about it.  The only people who want to hear about teaching are other teachers.  It's true.  

I have thought a lot about why no one really cares to hear about teaching.  

Maybe it's because EVERYONE has experience with teachers, if they are lucky they have more positive feelings about them than negative, but it's inevitable that everyone has had some negative...  

Maybe it's because as people become parents, their focus shifts and it's now through a different lens.  Parents should be the first line of advocacy for a child and school can feel arbitrary and parents can often feel powerless and ill-equipped to really support their kids.  (A day does not go by that I don't see a post on Facebook from friends who are frustrated with Common Core Math.)...

Maybe it's that people think that anyone can teach.  Any teacher worth a damn can tell you this is just not the case...  

Maybe it's because of the constant barrage of messages in the media that say really horrible things about teachers...

Ultimately, I wish I could say that I will know what it looks like when our profession is respected the way other professions are, but I don't. 

I take the small wins as signs of hope. 

Small wins like the 7 minute conversation I had on the phone with a student tonight at 7:30PM where I was able to do two things:

1) Thank her for reminding me that feedback is more valuable than a grade (and one of the reasons I believe that going grade-free is the best move for my AP students next year) and 

2) Talk her through what I understood that she did in the writing of her essay in a reflective and effective way and offering next steps to support her continued preparation for her exam on Wednesday.

Until we have respect, I'll maintain hope.

DAY 5: National Teacher Appreciation Day #Edblogaday #edtech

Yesterday I had the great pleasure of taking for of.our students to the 2015 TechCrunch Disrupt NYC Conference (hackathon, expo, competition, speakers...). After listening to the opening remarks and Fireside chat with Fred Wilson a good friend and supporter of our school as well as advocate for CS education in K-12, we took the kids down to the Start Up Alley with instructions to meet, network, ask questions and learn all they could. They just had to stay in the space and we would meet up to debrief in 90 minutes.  This also meant that I got to wonder through, introduce myself to companies that I thought might work well within the classroom or that I had heard wonderful things about I was excited to meet like Black Girls Code.  There were also some great discoveries and inspiring moments.  I stopped to talk with Shaun Tai of Oakland Digital, something I personally, would love to see spread across the country.  However, the question they were asking everyone was: What was the BRIDGE to your career? I said, "Great Mentors." 

Great mentors are one piece of my journey to my own classroom.  The most pivotal mentor in my life and career has been Ruben Van Kempen more affectionately known to his students as VK.  Ruben was my high school drama teacher.  All us drama kids have a VK.  Ruben believed in me as a teenager, empowered me to become a leader, trusted me with responsibility and was always kind to me.  The tools and experiences I had as a high school student laid the foundation for all the twists and turns in the road that would come.  A professional career in theatre after college, then as I transitioned to a new career as teacher of both theatre and English. 

VK is retiring this year after 38 years of teaching.  He has an amazing legacy and a career to learn from.  He continues to be my mentor and friend 25 years after we first met in the halls of Roosevelt High School.  This is the power of teachers, of teaching and there aren't enough thank you's in the world to ever truly thank Ruben.  He changed my life and I am a better person for having him as my teacher.  

This Teacher Appreciation Week, thank a teacher- even you teachers, thank someone who has helped you to become better at your craft, has influenced you and has been the BRIDGE to your career.  

Day 4: Teaching Is..A collection of moments, good and bad that make for an amazing Journey #Edblogaday

Day 4: For the beginning of Teacher Appreciation Week, I have a Teaching Is...poem for you (it's not all rainbows and puppies).


Teaching is...

That moment when you step
into a classroom as a pre-service teacher
questioning every choice they make as
you just observe.

That moment when you step into a classroom
& your cooperating teacher didn't have
any idea
that you were going to be there
& as a result spends the semester resenting you.

That moment when you are finally in your own
classroom
and are no longer a renter but an
OWNER.

That moment when only 3
parents
show up for parent-teacher
conferences (for both days).

That moment when you tell
those 3 parents how well their
child is doing in your class
& they cry because it's the first
time this has ever happened.

That moment when you lose a student
to violence...
to drugs...
to an asthma attack...

That moment when you are the only
constant and consistant
adult
in a child's life.

That moment when you cry at
Graduation, every year because
you know what it took for your
kids to get to that stage.

That moment when you realize
it's time to leave the school...
community...
you have called home.

That moment when you take
a job in a new school and discover
it's not the place or the people
it is the profession-and that's why
you stay.

That moment when students
LEAD
in every class you teach.
They become the teachers.

That moment when you have to
explain to other teachers
that it is not CCLS that are the
problem.

That moment when you begin
to really become the
teacher you were meant to be
by supporting the development
of other
teachers.

That moment when you find out
you have cancer
and your school community
becomes your
family.

That moment when you find
your voice
in a community that
was...IS right at your
fingertips.

That moment when a job
is also a profession
& a career
that you love.

***********************************************

Teaching is complicated, challenging, emotional, invigorating, surprising, joyous, reflective.  It is one of the best roller coasters I have ever been on.  I wish I could say that I loved every moment of every year but there were years when I cried in my classroom with the door closed because it WAS that difficult.  I keep coming back.  I keep working in the concrete jungle because school is the place where I feel the most alive, do the best work and I am the most authentically ME. This job is not for everyone but even those who don't make it past that magic 3 year mark take something away, they are changed because Teaching Is... A JOURNEY.

Day 3: My Concern? How to take back the narrative. #Teachingis... #Edblogaday

Day 3 topic:
What's your biggest concern about teaching and what can we do about it?

We all have things that concern us.  There are the day to day things, the larger scale things, then the systemic things. Immediately, passing rate for the AP exam on the 13th, how to push the three kids who didn't do well on the state exam to move forward before June 2nd.  The Spring Talent Show in June and how to get the underclassmen involved.  Supporting 9th grade team to help get their kids read for the science and math exams as well.  Hiring fairs and events as we look to hire our last cohort of teachers as my school grows to have all 4 grades. Completing the last of the observations for mentees for the year and logging those hours. Oh and lessons, always lessons....

Things like one ones I listed above come and go.  They are part of the constant flow of working in education.  Our work never stops.  These are not the things that concern me any more.  My bigger concerns now reside in the sentiments about teachers by public officials.  I watch the news in the morning as I get ready for work and there is one in particular that is disheartening. The picture is paints of who we are is inaccurate at best. In airing it in this high traffic time of 6-7 AM as many parents are getting ready for work, I wonder what they are internalizing.  Any counter on behalf of our union seems adversarial at best as thus begins the war of words.  This is where we need to come in.

Early on in my career someone told me that the climate, policies and ideas circulating about teaching and learning shift about every 8 years.  Next year will mark the beginning of my 8th year and I am hoping for a shift in the public narrative about teachers.  That is one of the reasons I started with the April Blog A Day challenge and now the Ed Blog A Day.  Even though I don't think that I have some great insight or brilliant piece of thinking on teaching and learning, by being authentic, looking for progress and not dwelling in negative, I hope to work to change the narrative, one blog at a time.

Next week is the beginning of Teacher Appreciation Week.  With your colleagues and even students ask them to finish the statement: "Teaching is..." and post it to your social media platforms #teachingis.  There are some great resources here with the  Teaching Is Partner Pack. This is one easy way to continue working to change the narrative and what a powerful way to bring teachers in your school community together to start each day in celebrating what we do. (Special thanks to Jenn Ward for sharing this with the #Edblogaday community) 

Day 2: Why We Love Spring (And You Should, Too!) #Edblogaday

Day 2: Why We Love Spring!  

Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, NY

Growing up in Seattle, spring was damp (duh) and cold but the sun would come out and eventually the lilacs would bloom.  This smell has to be one of my all time favorites.  When I was in college, I lived in a house in Tucson that was on a street lined with orange trees.  It was a luscious and joyous smell that I remember breathing in through the brief but fragrant time they were in bloom.  This year, spring has been stubborn to arrive here in NY.  But finally, just earlier this week, the trees exploded just a couple blocks from my house and a street that happens to be in between my house and the subway station.  I find myself going out of the way to walk down this one block on my way to and from work, breathing in the sumptuous smell of spring.

As educators, this is also the time of year when teachers start to get tired, frustrated and sometimes discouraged.  I sat earlier this week with a co-worker who is experiencing all of these things.  I, for the most part try to avoid this kind of conversation but sometimes, letting someone move through and process all the balls they have in the air is what someone needs.  Take the moments to mentor, support, and take in the beautiful spring air is what the season calls for.

I love spring because even in the midst of testing season, burnout, and trying to get those kids who have spent the last 160 days screwing around over the hump to hopefully be promoted to the next grade, as teachers we have a duty and the capacity to support one another, to life each other up and preserver. I love spring because even though we are all dealing with a plethora of work related stress, the warmer air and the amazing smells of spring (before the smell of NYC in the summer invades) .

Here is my wish for you all for this spring:

1. Find a quiet moment to talk 1:1 with a colleague and really listen.

2. Find a moment to celebrate with a group of kids.  They have as much on their plates this time of year as we do.  No pressure situations go a long way to build hope and good will.

3.Take deep breaths, take in the sweet moments, the human moment and help to ground you.

You got this.

Day 1: Why Blog? #EdBlogADay

Day 1: Why is blogging important to teaching and learning?  #EdBlogADay

I started seriously blogging Fall of 2013.  I made the decision to chronicle my journey through bariatric surgery.  It was a life changing experience- both my surgery and the documentation of the last 18 months.  I quickly learned that the feelings I was having, the thinking I was doing and the highs and lows I experienced were not unique to people who had weight loss surgery.  I also learned that truly authentic reflection is the best way for me to develop and grow.  

With any sort of reflection, there are ups and downs, periods to self-doubt and celebration, things to reconsider depending on the day.  Ultimately, for me blogging is important to teaching and learning because it challenges me to seek clarity about my own work, my own learning.  Often when teachers come together, it leaves teachers dwelling in the negative but I have found the solitary and contemplative nature of blogging results in the opposite.  Evolution and growth.