14. The Hiring Season: Department Accountability #Edblogaday

I love this time of year.  I love it because it warms up, people smile at each other more, and I can wear sandals.  This is also the time of year that I start thinking towards next year.  I don't know if all teachers do this but it seems to be my pattern. I start reflecting on all the things that I want to do differently, tweak and retool for next year.

Now, I have to be 100% honest here.  I have NEVER taught the same curriculum two years in a row.  My first 5 years of teaching I was in an alternative HS with 12 week trimesters so over 5 years I wrote roughly 30 different courses. It was quick and dirty planning and the style I developed meant that on paper I didn't necessarily write down every step I was going to make through the lesson.  I also didn't need to. My years of theatre training have served me well as a teacher.

Last year, I co planned with three other teachers to build the new 10th grade Global Lit curriculum.  I struggled with this kind of co planning.  My process had been so organic that writing lessons that others could use and follow was challenging for me. Having to learn to put down on paper all the things I was doing, so someone else could do them was hard.  I learned a lot last year.

This year, theatre class grew from a semester to a year long course and I took on AP Language and Comp for the first time.  New curricula, again. I was also working solo and I found it difficult to not have people to really collaborate and be held accountable to.  I do like planning on my own though and I was back to working and creating in a way that I felt the most fluid and effective.

Why do I go through all this?  Well, yesterday we had interviews with two prospective teachers because it is that time of year- The Hiring Season.   We are going into our 4th year and will be fully staffed, as well as having 4 grades for the first time.  I facilitated two interviews as the majority of our department sat with me, listening and taking notes on the responses from both candidates.  As the senior teacher, it's interesting to see and watch at the group dynamics and how this powerful team is developing at our school.  The person we chose to bring in needs to compliment but at the same time be able to work independently and confidently.  It is good to hear the thinking and concerns that my colleagues have. I feel protective of them and want to see our department continue to grow.

I have been thinking a lot about what I have to offer our department.  They are strong, confident, independent, leaders in their own right, two will be mentoring new teachers in training next year in a program with the network we belong to- one, moving into his second year will just continue to get better with time and experience.  I think a lot about what we do need as a department and how we can develop.  The new person we add to this mix will have a dynamic job and a powerful group of people to work with.  I reflect on my process and my contributions and I know I have so much more work to do on myself and as a colleague, collaborator and teacher leader.  Only time will tell.  Hopefully, we choose wisely.

Day 9: Nerves #Edblogaday

This next week has been almost a year in the making.

This year I took on the challenge of teaching AP Language and Composition.  I had never taught it before and honestly, never really thought I would have the opportunity to.  I had always taught students who really struggled and the rigor and speed with which AP has to be paced (especially that NYC schools not start until September, in some cases a month later than schools in other parts of the country) and while I believe I could have moved students forward and they would have been better prepared for college, I don't believe many of them would have been able to pass the AP Exam.

It's difficult, I'll be the first to say it, and rightly so.  It should be.

When I sat down with my Principal this past fall and we discussed the goals I had for my students this year I settled on this:  While passing the AP exam would be fantastic, if I move my students forward- help them improve their writing, their analysis and critical thinking skills, their knowledge of rhetoric and why, when and how it is used, and take away some of the fear they may have about transitioning to college and being able to do it- then I have been successful.  I do believe that many of my kids will get a 3+ on the exam.  There will, undoubtably be some that don't.

I am trying to release my anxiety and any disappointment that is lurking in shadows.  It exists though, coupled with all the missteps I made this year, my first year as AP teacher.  There are a plethora of things I will to next year in my class as well as further developing the vertical alignment of the ELA courses at our school.  Realizing skills that they were never taught and determining why they need to know then and where they should be introduced, and recursively retaught with increased rigor as students grow.  This is part of my job as educator to get better, stronger, smarter when it comes to what and how I teach.  I owe it to the legacy of this first AP class and any that I teach in the years to come

I was up at 5:15 this morning.  Today my kids are taking a full length practice exam.  I wanted to do it a couple weeks ago but competition with other AP exams that were last week took precedence.  I am expecting 29 of 32 and will be providing extended time for my two students with IEPs.  I came up with a pretty good method (not great) for self assessing - so I will run the MC through Scantron and Monday, I will have a double period to debrief- self assessing and completing the ridiculously complicated formula to calculate a score, a predictive for students going into their exam on Wednesday.

I am sure I am not as nervous as they are, but I won't lie- I am nervous...

Day 29: My History of Learning: 7 Pivotal Moments #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Prompt: Your History of Learning - What has been your greatest learning experiences?

In the first year of graduate school everyone has to take a methods class- a lot of the content is history of education and the building of a personal philosophy on teaching and learning.  One of the projects we had to do was to identify the major leaning experiences of our life to that point and present it in a creative way.  

I brainstormed a long list of learning moments- some  more cynical than others.  I remember reading the list to my husband, who was then my boyfriend of only 6 months, and he commenting on the TONE of the list.  I weeded down to a robust 12 or so.  I cut out circles of colored card stock and wrote each moment on a circle and included the age that the learning moment tool place.  I then I put them together in to the shape of a caterpillar, not unlike this one: 

I remember feeling like I had all these great experiences but I was just at the beginning, as a career changer.  I was not a butterfly yet. 

I don't know that I see myself as a butterfly yet.

I do know that I have reflected on my journey, a lot. Here are 7 pivotal learning events:

1. JoAnne Jugum.  She was my 3rd grade teacher.  This was the year I learned to write cursive. Cursive provided me freedom to explore and escape, encouraged to write letters and stories. This is also the year that I was granted refuge from the storm of growing up.  I was painfully aware that I was not fitting in with the kids I had gone to school with for the previous 3 years.  She let me spend recess in her room, so I could read and hide.  It was safety when I needed it. 
2. Barely passing math in 8th grade.  This was the first time I felt like a true failure.  I has been told for years that I was better, smarter than the kids in the "regular" classes.  I was condemned and had to repeat math in 9th grade.  I thought I was being relegated to the class with the stupid kids, the slow kids, the kids who were less because they were exactly where they were supposed to be, working at grade level. What did this really mean? It means I hadn't been ready for 9th grade math in 8th grade.  It meant that I started 9th grade with my peers as equals.  It forced me to rethink and reformulate many of ideas I had about being a student, learning and my own experiences.  
3. Not being able to afford to go away for college after graduation from high school.  I applied to visited and got into a private college in Minnesota. I could not afford to go there and I didn't get into the state school I applied to.  I was relegated to community college, which I hated, a lot.  It's not for everyone.  That's ok.  I dropped out after 1 quarter.  I had amazing grades and because I had some college, when I reapplied to the state school I wanted to go to I applied as a transfer student and got in with my 3.9 GPA and amazing essay.
4. Starting college at 20 and a half and not 18.  No dorms.  Living off campus.  Being "non-traditional". Having had to work harder to get there...I soaked up every moment.
5. College, both undergrad and grad school.  I learned to take risks, collaborate, inquire, research, write, read and to be truly curious and creative.  My best friends in life are from college, as I am sure if true for many of us. Three universities, 7 years, countless classes and so much joy.  
6. Moving to NYC.  I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary in NYC.  I didn't move here for college.  I took a risk, mailed 13 small boxes to my new apartment and bought a plane ticket.  I achieved my professional goals from the first part of my life.  I was so poor I couldn't afford to turn my heat on that first year, nor could I afford to go home for the holidays and had my first Christmas away from my parents.  I met my husband, I went to grad school, I became a teacher.  I grew into myself.
7. Teaching and Learning in the NYC DOE. 1.1 million students.  1700 schools. 75K+ teachers.  The numbers are staggering.  Being a teacher here means many things. The odds are against us. Many come and go but many stay, teach, learn, grow.  It's more political than I would like, but I don't show up for the politics.  I show up for the kids.  I show up for Cory so he and I can sit on the couch in my classroom at lunch and laugh about silly things.  I show up so I can have an impromptu conversation with my 11th graders about what life would have been like if they stopped working for the grade on the paper because there were no grades. I show up so I can stop Joaquin, a sophomore, in the hallway and tell him that I want him to sit in on an AP class later in May so he can see what it is like and how working hard pays off.  I show up so I can celebrate Ashley, one of my advisees tomorrow because I was told by her geometry teacher that she is doing exceptionally well and potentially could have an 85-90 by the end of the year. I show up because there are little moments and big wins that teach me about the human experience.

All these moments have influenced and challenged my perception of my world. If you ask me this question in 10 more years I am sure I will give you a new list of moments that I remember, but experience changes perception.  I will keep seeking out new experience, new challenge, new learning in order to grow.

Day 25: Collaboration Is Connection #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Day 25: Why Collaborate?

I feel the most alive, the best at what I do when I am collaborating to create with someone who also wants to collaborate.  I have had time when the experienced has been forced and extremely unbalanced and as a result, I left the experience feeling down on myself, the work I was doing and my purpose. It's not magic but it is able creation and it can be magic.

I learned to collaborate, to really work together to create, making theatre.  There is one show, where everything came together for me and I worked as a costume designer, collaborative with the Directors, a cast of actors, lighting and set designers, drapers and stitchers to all create and execute a common vision.   It took time, effort, analysis, many conversations, listening and pushing or pulling, to eek out the piece that was just right, that was inspired, that maybe the audience didn't know was there but the actor did and it was a little secret they had a kept that just their character got to know.  All the collaborators came together to create something new- a piece of art, a story.

A lesson, a unit, curricula- they all tell a story and the process of coming together to create, this is what I love.  The longer I teach, the more I learn that I love working with and mentoring new teachers, preservice teachers to create.  Getting better at asking the questions that the provoke and challenge the work. Seeing a teacher do that lesson where everything was magic- and celebrating the magic.  By the same token, being there to console or even catch a teacher when a lesson bombs, a kid melts down in their class or a fight breaks out.  

So why collaborate? To create, to be inspired and inspire others. To grow.  To be humbled.  To have those A-ha! moments.  To connect. 

Day 16: Professional Learning Groupies #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Prompt 16: Why does a PLC or PLN matter? Are they different? What do they look like when they work? Not work? True purpose? 


I went my own way with this one.

I applied to a new program for this fall- it's school, a 2 year program in school based leadership, the nice way to say administration.  One of the questions on the application was about school based teams that I am on or could do work with next year.  Like many teachers, there are many.

• Model/Master Teacher Team
• ELA Department
• 11th Grade Team
• 9th Grade Team
• 10th Grade Advisory Team
• School Leadership Team

AND don't forget committees...sigh. Some of the groups meet more often than others, some I plan for, lead and/or facilitate.  Being in a small school means there are many "opportunities" for teachers and this school is no exception.  Of these six groups, one has really continued to my development as an educator because in many of these meetings I am the one supporting the growth of others.  

I won't lie, I crave experiences that support my development.  The most growth for me has come through 1:1 conversations or collaboration with both my Principal and AP or with my fellow Model Teacher, Becca or Master Teacher, Cameron.  The cultivation of my self-awareness, of my strengths, and areas for growth have come when I have worked in a mentoring role.  I have learned what roles I love (1:1 collaborative curriculum development) and those I love less (group lesson planning).  

I try to learn from each experience but somethings are harder than others.

My ideal Professional Learning Community would be one where all grow and thrive, it is collaborative and constructive and there is room for discussion and expansion of thinking.  I am hopping that, if accepted into the program for the fall, provides me with a cohort of colleagues who can take on that role.

Three weeks ago, when I ventured back into the twitter, I had no idea I would begin to make connections, and develop my network of colleagues and inspiration.  Like any tool, it is what you make of it.  I am excited to see how this professional learning community continues to grow and evolve.  

Day 9: Dear Meredith... #AprilBlogADay Challenge

Prompt 9:
"What would you say to your
beginning teacher-self"?

We have all been there: if I knew then what I know now but in reality, we can't know- it's what helps us grow as humans, as educators.  This was my first classroom, before kids, before piles of papers, before learning happened. It was also my home for 5 years.  I loved this room.  The first thing I would tell my younger self is: Always create a space that YOU feel good in.  You will spend more time here than anyone else (even kids).  It is an extension and representation of you, what you believe and the teaching and learning that is taking place there.

Eventually I had a smart board and white boards, but this is how the school year started.

This is my favorite board of ALL time. Books allow us to travel,
even if real life keeps us in one place.

Armed with materials from undergrad, I showcased different careers in theatre.
I had not learned to laminate yet and this didn't make it into year two.

In looking back, I did feel good in this room.  It had a stage, there was space to create and learn.  All teachers should be as lucky as I was to have a room this large.

Second thing I would tell myself is: Always stand up for your curriculum, prepare as much as you can and pick your battles.  In the first 5 years, working in a Transfer School I wrote 6 curricula a year- each 12 weeks long.  That is 30 different curricula.  Out of 30, there was 1 trimester where my choices were questioned and challenged.  (Not for the right reasons though.) I stood by the challenged planning but untimely I had to rewrite 2 weeks into the school year.  I had other battles that last year and this didn't need to be one of them.  

The third and what might be the most important thing I would tell my younger self: Don't be afraid to move on.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  I should have moved forward after my third year, to find a new working community.  I would always tell myself, one more year.  I'll give it one more year. Then I should have really moved on after my 4th year, but again I gave myself another year.  I would tell myself things like: I'll stick with it- for the kids...until so-and-so graduates...am I good enough to leave a place where I know I am good?  Can a be successful with a different population of students?  So much self-doubt had crept into my teaching practice, my confidence was gone.  I cried at work, more than I would like to admit.  I wish I had had the courage to do what I knew was the right move: leaving a place where I didn't feel welcome any longer.

My new classroom (above) after I made the decision to move forward.  

Me ready for a drama class at my new school, that I can teach in the auditorium (below).